What makes me tick

-I just got this thought around presence / auteticity and watches ( being a native Swiss ;)

Yeah, of cause to most important thing is to stay present in each moment, like the clock keeping it's time - but I do so much enjoy the mystery of opening up the cover, look inside and se all the small things that make us/the clock tick.

Sharing who we are in the moment ,but also sharing what has shaped us - where we come from, doing this from the heart is such a precious gift and to me and has nothing to do with storytelling.

To me it's such a joy when someone pulls of their cover and shares from the heart, what happens to me in such moments, regardless of what has been shared is just my heart expanding ....... Sooooooooooooooo much!

This of cause is a reflection of my own deep longing to not have to hide or censor anything - not have to feel shame and guilt about anything on my path towards who I am and unfolding today, to fully be able to accept and celebrate that each step was the perfect one even if I have not always been able to se it that way.

And..... Fully be able to embrace my own longing after what I haven't fully defined - celebrating that, to want it all, isn't being an egoist.....

As I child I felt like a stranger wherever I was, and having no siblings I always thought that I was the root to "evil" in my family.... It took me many years to understand that nothing was my fault. In the mean time I developed the strategy to read my surroundings and be able to adapt to any situation ..... To balance this out I also developed the ability to get what I want..... ( in some areas)

My aunt and uncle that I lived with for a year as a child always mocked me and said I was all about "me first" - for so long I believed this to be the truth, that I was bad, my father too accused me for being an egoist, not caring about others but putting myself in the first place..... They just didn't know better....and are long forgiven and loved.

But then..... Who would look after me if I didn't - nobody..... So yes I have put myself in the first place, I knew if I didn't I wouldn't survive.... But what nobody understood was that the only thing that I was looking for was how to learn to love and accept myself ....

It had nothing to do with not caring about others.... On the contrary, it was the knowing that if I didn't take care of myself I wouldn't have anything to give!

I am very aware of that this writing isn't very clear and structured, it just came from somewhere, from connecting, from going deeper into what makes me tick.....

.....so as a summary, I want to be worthy and loved both by myself and others this with my whole inner mechanics / the structured and the messy included ......

Be gentle with yourself!

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