Staying on the path

I feel like crying. Why? I don't have the slightest clue. I've tried to think of sad things but so far it doesn't work. Strange how sadness can suddenly just pop up. Maybe it's just due to me being very tired as I stayed up to long last night with the teenagers in the house. We're at our summer cottage and completely lost track of time.....

Could the answer be that simple, that it is my body trying to tell me to rest and just be with what is. I'm finding myself wanting to make this feeling of discomfort go away, well here is an opportunity to walk my talk and practice to just be with what is and let what is have time and space.

Underneath the sadness there is also a dabb of fear, fear of not treating my body well enough..... Many older relatives and friends have been dying lately, and others in my age have gotten struck by illness of the grimmer kind - is it fear of death what comes along with me enjoying much more than ever to be alive?

Years ago, when i was really ill and depressed I don't remember fearing death, but was petrified to live fully and experience the full range of my emotions.....

My path has brought me where I am now and I intend staying on it.... so now I'll put on some music and move a bit, ask myself what it is that I want, what is it that my soul is trying to tell me using my nervous system :)

Remember, be gentle with yourself!



Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Moments to treasure

What a beautiful day this has been. I so much enjoy the warmth of the summer, the sun being my friend! Spent the day at the ocean at my cousins summer cottage. She was at a soccer tournament with her girls but I was welcome anyhow :)

It dawned on me how much I can enjoy just being in my own company these days. What joy, what a change to how things could be in the past when I needed diversion as I could not stand being on my own.

When getting older means feeling more internal peace it is such a bliss! All the aging signs become so unimportant! I'm just so grateful for my inner light that just keeps getting stronger!

I have so much to be grateful for, opening my mailbox is one, small messages from near and far that warm my heart - children who still like to be close even though they have one foot in adulthood, a mate who never has tried to change me, students that appreciate me as their teacher and grown up friend, great colleagues and so much more!

Thank you life! zoot, zoot, zoot! Be gentle with yourself!

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Sweet Summer

Oh sweet summer! So much joy in the air when the sun warms our heats and bodies. Just wanted to share these two photos from a wonderful day at the tiny lake Korptjärn together with Jessica, Josef and Victor.

Be gentle with yourself and embrace life :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Reflections

What a great week this has been. Spent much of the week together with my former students as we once more went into the theatre to put our interpretation of Grease on the stage. One evening of rehearsals and then two evening of performances.

It made me so happy that our community appreciated this initiative of ours and showed up. About 250 persons in the audience both nights and my students made me so proud! They performed so professionally and with so much joy - better than ever!

Oh yes, I am really privileged to get to spend time with them, that they trust me and allow themselves to learn & grow, even let conflicts go to support the groups best. Grown ups could learn a lot from teens if they just took the time!

The loving feedback I get from my students warms my heart and soul :) knowing that they just say what they feel up to saying! Thank you all for these three years!

Having this experience so fresh it's hard to believe that what I have been seeing in the news since yesterday can be true - that a Norwegian man with a gun just gunned down more than 80 young people, took their lives... how can anyone be so heartless, so cruel..... just can't understand... can only imagine the pain family and friends are going through, and pray that they will be able to keep love in their hearts. Lighting a candle, praying for peace.

Wishing that everyone could be in a heart - circle, if, then I doubt that there would be any wars.... So grateful for the ones I am in!

So be gentle with yourselves, appreciate and treasure life and the people in it, it our for such a short time, and for some much shorter than they could ever have imagined.





Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Wow, wow, wow in awe!

Wow, I can just say wow, because I feel wow :) Monday I felt extremely tired all day, like if I'd been on a mountain climbing excursion - waking up both yesterday and today so filled with joy I realized that that is what I have been - on a climb to the summit of my highest self :)

You know what might seem like a very strange thought, swiped through my consciousness at awakening - it would be ok to die today! Not that I want to, no, no not at all, it's just that I have always said that the only thing I do know is that the day it's time for me to leave this physical form I want to to it smiling, happy, fulfilled and with no regrets, no "had I only..."

This is how fulfilled, at peace and happy I feel - not like an exhilarated high, but a deep feeling of peace and joy!

The only thing in life that I have ever wanted it to be allowed to be me, not to have to hide any parts of myself, not having to fear that anyone would popp my bubble and see that I was nothing...... That whole thing about someone seeing my coreunworthieness.... This fear is completely gone.... Swiped away be being in the prescence of the authenticity, courage, breakthroughs and love that we all shared and created in circle - the knowingness that we all are one, that we all mirror everything in each other, not alone anymore but al-one :)

Holy shit, what joy! It is not an illusion, not self betrayal, this feeling, internal state that started to manifest after my firt retreat with you Christian - no, it is real, breathing, alive joy and acceptance of what is. To me this is such a miracle, I write this a tear of relief and deepest gratitude is finding it's way down my cheek.

Thank you all for being there, allowing me to take space in a state of feeling good and wanting to feel even better!!!! I feel so loved <3 ( that's a heart)- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Staying with what is

Over the last few days I have been contemplating how I in the past just wanted to run away from discomfort, shake it off like a dog coming out of the water. The shaking of could take different forms , getting really busy was one, faultfinding an other and many years back Bulimia was my daily companion.

How sad it is not being able to be with what is, because whatever "what" looks like it's just energy passing through the body. How come that we are so afraid of the energy waves that we label as bad? Because we label them as bad!

For the passed days I have felt tensed without an obvious reason, I don't have to work, summer break from teaching school, the weather is stunning, everybody in the family quite content - with other words nothing to worry about..... And still this physical tension in my body every day when I wake up.

Instead of trying to escape I have begun to ask myself... Except from the tension, am I all right? Of cause I am! It's just tension, a bit uncomfortable, but nothing but tension. When I look at it this way the state of tension doesn't dictate the way I feel and I am able to see everything that I have to be grateful for instead of getting stuck in the tension bit. Yeah. I love it!

Not getting suck most of the time also opens up for revelations like the one I had early this morning when it dawned on me what the tension most probably is about. PMS! Ha, ha how silly not to realize this at once.... Well obviously the state of tension wanted to teach me something - and I got the message.

Being 51 and unavoidably getting closer to menopause this heightened awareness of how hormones can mess with me is a good one to have!

Remember, be gentle with yourself!


Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Transitions

Yesterday we took the last farewell of my aunt Brita, I wish her a happy transition into eternity, and again got reminded of how short a human life is and how important it is to treasure the days we have here on earth. Even though my aunt passed at the age of 85 which isn't young - it's still not very long time on earth when considering the age of our universe.

So how can we make our lives longer? To me there is only one answer to that question: by living completely in the moment, by becoming aware of each heartbeat, each breath that strings together what we call life. Presence ,awareness and gratitude for what we have instead of getting trapped in negative thoughts and feelings of lack.

I am convinced that we do have choice and the power to affect our moment to moment state of being! Where do I want to put my attention? Can I acknowledge and feel what I want in each and every moment, and find peace in what is?

Today I choose to look at life as being perfect just the way it is - today I feel deep peace and gratitude for being alive!
Remember ... It's all worth it! Be gentle with yourself!

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Sweet memories

Sitting back home, closing my eyes, remembering the warmth of the sun and the feel of the ocean water.
What a gift to have memories like this and many others. Coming home made me aware of an other reason why I like to travel so much. It's like my brain gets a rest to, a rest from the tapes of thoughts that seem to be a constant companion in daily life. Hm, this is a challenge I will take on, to se if it is not possible to become "empty" even when at home - to be so present to the current moment that everything else disappears. Yeah an every day vacation :) Be gentle with yourself! It's worth wile learning!

Home again

One travels really fast these days! So hard to believe that I swam in the ocean in Croatia yesterday! Well here I am filled with beautiful memories that I will carry with me my whole life! Jessica took the photo during our last evening having dinner at our favorite restaurant owned by Mario who rented an apartment to Jessica and her crew. Now I'll unpack and enjoy a good nights sleep in my own bed! Good night world :)



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad